Am I a 2 year old?
I know I shouldn’t be writing this while fuming, but I can’t help it. It’s the best way I know to get it out. I guess I have Ben to thank for that now. I should have been writing more of this stuff down all throughout my life! Anyway… This truly sux how it has to be like this… but it does.

My mother and I just do not get along. Oh, but of course if you see it from her point of view, we do. I honestly believe that she thinks everything is fine. All is well. It’s sooooo not. I honestly am jealous of everyone who has a close tight relationship with his or her parents. I know you might not see me as being neglected or anything, but I’m just saying that things are NOT perfect, and could be better. So why write a venting page? A few reasons: 1. It’s my page so I get to, and 2. Because I’m not happy with how things are. I’ve even tried talking to her. NOTHING works. She insults me almost daily, and I’m supposed to be happy about her, our relationship, and myself? I think not. How could I? She makes me miserable on a daily basis. She doesn’t even realize it. Well I think she kind of does, but something in her can’t make her stop

I’ve told her a few times now that I don’t need a mother anymore. She must think that I do, because she tells me what to do with my life daily. She says I’m too fat, I’m not eating right, that I’d be happier if I were thinner! Heck no! I am beginning to realize that everything she’s told me growing up is some kind of compensation for how she was raised, or things she knows now, and doesn’t want me or any of her children in the same situation. Drama! I am even beginning to love myself! Can you imagine that? I’m pretty dang cool too! I’ve got a few references that think the same if you wanna call them up. Just email me, and I’ll give you their #’s. My sister Paula emailed me in August or September 2000, and she totally explained our mother’s problem. I think I should just copy and paste the whole email in here, since my mom could care less about my website, I figure she’ll never visit it, so I’m cool. If she does ever see this, I hope it helps her see things more so from my point of view, and love me anyway.

Here’s the Email:
Subject: holy too much information, batman!
Body: Okay, I think this will interest you:
Shhh... The reason mom's so psychotic about us was revealed to me on Sunday. You know how she's always getting on us for not exercising, and how she says we MUST be eating the latest healty foods, and taking thirty million vitamins a day? Well it's cause she feels totally guilty about how she raised us and about how she grew up. She was totally telling me about when she was a chubster and how she wishes she knew then what she knows now about nutrition and stuff because then her life would be totally different. A little obsessed, if you ask me. Well that's why she's always saying junk to us. She thinks she can save our lives by giving us the information she never had as a young'in or never had when we were young'ins. When she was saying this stuff, I figured it out and was like "Aha!"
Don't tell her I was telling you this, k? So basically whenever she's giving out advice (every minute) remember that she's just sad about her own life and it'll all make sense. She tries, but it's just too much advice sometimes.


Word Paula! I Love you to Death!!! I don’t know where I’d be in this world without you. Your strength and wisdom (beyond my own) serve as a guide and inspiration to me. And I thank you for it. I Love you! (now where are my tissues???)

Anyway, I’m 22, but I still act like a rebellious teenager. But I think that all of us do, especially when there’s someone constantly standing over us, telling us exactly what to do all of the time! DUH I’m going to rebel! Could you SEE that one coming? Hope so! There’s more to come too though. As of now, I’ve graduated from college, and I moved back home for a little while. I tell myself it’s because of the free rent. And it mostly is. But I do have to admit that I have missed the little activities that I have not been around for. Like weddings, baby showers, even (eeesh) family reunions, and other family-related things that I just haven’t been around for. I’m glad I’ve had the chance to once again partake of them. It’s been fun. Even though the bridal showers always make me feel bad, cause I’m not married… but screw them… I’m only 22!!! Jamie’s going to be 24 in February though… So she gets it worse… heh heh heh (evil laugh).

SOOOO, I’ve wanted to move to San Diego for so long. I think I’m going to do it, as soon as I get the opportunity to. I need this. I need it for me. I’ll still have my computer though. So you need to make sure you keep in touch with me. Hey, sign my guest book ok? That way I’ll be able to take you everywhere… Tom Cruise signed it! You should too! :-)

So that’s the plan as of now. If you can’t stand the heat…(or cold of utah and my mother), Move to San Diego! Wish me Luck!